Friday, November 30, 2012

Jar of hearts.

" She was getting better. But then she remembered what she was trying to get away from, she remembered the things that tear her apart. Now she's back at the start. "

12.09am, 30 Nov 2012.
Few months ago, she told me. " Kalau sedih, dengar lagu cry on my shoulder, confirm nda sedih lagi tu nanti. " I had such a bad day today ( 29Nov ). I get angry so easily, i don't feel like eating, i think too much, smoking, and i didn't talk to anybody. Yes, whole day! I tried to sleep early, but it doesn't work at all. I can't sleep! I keep listening to 'cry on my shoulder' over and over again and I finally cried. I try to listen another songs, our favourite songs. I just can't stop my tears from falling. Yeah, I'm sad. I remember every moment. I realized, I'm weak, I'm failer, I'm so pathetic. Maybe, its all my fault this kind of thing happened to us. Sometimes, I feel like I don't deserve her. She's too good. She has a great family, great friends, I do love her & i miss her so much. I miss her voice, her dimple, her jokes. I miss our late night conversations, I miss texting with her, hugging her, talk to her, laughing with her, sing for her. I know that I’m not special. Or important. Yeahh, maybe its all my fault.. And hopefully someday, i hope i can find the reasons why this kind of sad thing happened. 

Aku ingat aku okay, tapi tidak rupanya. Aku berpura-pura okay.

dear You,
I'm sorry if i hurt you, and i'm sorry i can't be good enough for you.
I just want you to know that i love you.

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