What I’m going to ask of you is something selfish. And weak of me. And so stupid. But please, bear with me. And if you hear me out, please, please grant me this. One last time.
Will you stop beating in my sleep? Will you not let me see tomorrow and the days after? Will you stop pumping blood throughout my body? Will you rest so that I can rest too?
Because I do not want to experience anymore of this pain. Because I do not want you to go through the process of being broken again, when you’re far from being mended. Because I don’t know if we can both endure what’s to come. If I cannot take this hurt, how can I survive the imminent tsunami waves of pain? If I am already succumbing to the darkness, how can I stand up in the face of nothingness? If I feel as though there’s nothing left of me, how can I be sure I’m still alive?
God. I trust you know how much it hurts. And now, the emotional and mental pain has actually transformed into a physical one. I know that you know how painful the clenching of my chest is when it happens. I know you know how, on many occasions, breathing had proved to be a laborious task.Because the pain is just so overwhelming. I know you know how much it hurts.
Bestfriends.Thank you for understanding my issues, my pain, my tears and for allowing me to open up to you and know you’ll care.
Dear Heart, I owe you an apology. I need to apologize for all of the times that i haven't taken care of you like i should and for the times when i've let people walk all over you. i'm sorry :(
So, right now, I guess I’m telling you, “Maybe It’s time to give up. Maybe It’s okay to let go. Because even if I don’t want to give up, even if I don’t want to let go, I want to stop this never-ending battle we are doomed to lose. I want to stop hurting. It’s just too much.
" When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse "
" And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? " - Fix you ( coldplay )
p/s : I am back to Kota Kinabalu tomorrow. And back to campus after leaving it for about one and half months ago for semester break. I'm going to start my new semester on Monday and hopefully everythings gonna be alright. Insyaallah.